Tanwen's Rambles

I have started playing Battletech relatively recently with my boyfriend. Battletech is a largely male-dominated game.  It's been fine, the local group is amazing- queer friendly, welcoming to new players, etc. With BF's encouragement, I joined the queer BattleTech discord, which is also super cool. Great people and community.  Welcoming, filled with transwomen, and a large queer space. I feel right at home.

 

I'm missing a lot of local events and chatter that I'm hearing about third hand or from others on Tuesday night, so I join the state discord so I can get on the local channel. I give my table name (a server rule, to facilitate in-person games because that is the purpose of the server)- not my real name but the name people regularly call me in the group at the table. It's great, I get to chat with the local group online now, they're funny and inclusive.  I never feel weird, or like BF's girlfriend they 'have to include' or as though they're tolerating the 'girl' or even stupid because I'm very new and my brain isn't always the most cooperative.  This is really fun.  I'm sorry I can't play more often.

 

Yesterday, a new guy joins the server. This happens a lot.  Local area is big. He (and I am assuming here because this person didn't have any pronouns listed, but at one point refers to themselves as a 'big black man') He doesn't want to give a table name for 'privacy'.

I beg your fucking pardon?  Privacy? Give a first name or a table name people can call you or GTFO, stated as soon as you sign up on the server. If you have a stalker or other concerns, DM a mod.

When pressed, {new guy} gives the name of a convicted celebrity r*pist, and when it is gently suggested that it isn't perhaps the most friendly name, gives a Chinese name that translates to "Big Black Man" and insists it be inflected properly. One of the members of the server, {friend} with a male name, tells him that {friend} doesn't feel comfortable playing {new guy} if he shows up at our FLGS, as {new guy} has already joined that server as well. {New guy} insists 'it's happening'. When told no, {new guy} says that {friend} doesn't have a choice.

Wow, red flags everywhere here.  Mods step in and boot him from the server, because he's a bad actor.  Seems like everything's fine, FLGS won't stand for him.

 

Then.  THEN.  One longtime member of the server {remaining guy} aggressively defends his behavior and says that he's just socially awkward and the mods didn't give him a chance.  For HOURS.  Over and over and over and over, even after being told to drop it.

 

Apparently the inability to not accept no for an answer is just 'socially awkward' now, not a giant 🚩.

Apparently the inability to not accept no for an answer wasn't the reason they booted the other guy, it was because he didn't follow directions.

 

{Remaining guy} is still on the server.  He can't accept no as an answer either it seems, and is determined to arbitrate this whole thing to death. The server feels a lot less safe. I'm now permanently invisible for other reasons, but it actually feels safer there too. 

 

I'm sticking to the local channels mostly, because at least {remaining guy} isn't in my local area. I feel stupid, because I know better.  BT has the rep it has FOR A REASON, I knew the local group was likely a unicorn. But FUCK, I hoped for better.

 

I strongly considered leaving the server altogether. BF talked me out of it, and I blocked {remaining guy}.  It's been 24 hours, I'm still pissed about it. 

 

BF has promised to point him out to me if he comes up for cons.  That may be a poor choice, I will actively shun the fuck out of this guy. 

 

Unlike the rest of our kind and friendly group, I have the morals and mores of a personal assistant who has been personally charged with making sure the boss never takes a call. My social skills are bad, but I have them, and I only use them for evil.

In the words of Grendel Roberts: Rest up, conserve your strength, and kiss your children goodbye.